I was walking to Beavers with my seven year old boy, William, who told me that a boy in his class was calling him names and saying he was gay, so the name calling went back and forth.
He asked me what he should say to the boy next time he called him gay, so I told him to say: “I don’t think I’m gay, but if I am, that’s no problem…”
Then William said: “Why is that no problem?”
I said: “Because it’s ok to be gay, some of your best uncles are gay, like Uncle Joshie, Uncle Benedict and Uncle Nick”.
William said: “And Uncle Tom’s gay too, isn’t he?”
I said: “No, people often think Uncle Tom’s gay, but he’s not”.
William said: “So why is Uncle Tom not gay? Is it because he’s a lean mean loving machine?”
I said: “It’s because he likes ladies in a romantic way. If you’re a gay man, you like men in a romantic way”.
William said: “So are we gay because I love you and you love me?”
I said: “No, because the way I love your mummy is different to the way I love you. The way I love your mummy is romantic love”.
William said: “So what happens with Uncle Joshie?”
I said: “Uncle Joshie might have a boyfriend or a husband whom he feels romantic love for and that’s because he’s gay. So when Alfie comes up to you and says you’re gay, tell him some of my best uncles are gay, have you got a problem with that?”